I’m glad I pretended you asked me that. I run the NY production studio for AOL. I work with a lot of very talented, experienced folks, and we do lots of music performances, like Beyonce, Keith Urban, Grizzly Bear, Reba McEntire, Cage the Elephant, as well as various and sundry studio- and field-based segments.

I was asked by the organizers of the Wordstock Festival to contribute to their blog, and so I have done so:

Writers are often asked how they go about their writing. Over the past few years I’ve developed a highly efficient, effective process that I will now share, as I’m certain it will be of great interest and benefit to aspiring writers. It can be broken down into the following important steps:

1. Inspiration: idea for new book arrives. First love, angels singing, all is right with the universe. Burst of enthusiastic writerly activity, the words cascading forth effortlessly. This glorious period lasts for several minutes.
2. I hate this crap–what was I thinking?
3. Procrastination, self-recrimination, unhealthy meta-behaviors to avoid actually working.
4. Time passes.
5. Equilibrium is achieved between desire to procrastinate and self-loathing due to desire to procrastinate. Self-loathing eventually becomes more painful than actually sitting down and writing.
5. Sit down and write. No excuses.
5a. But first watch “So You Think You Can Dance,” but just this time, and definitely don’t linger to watch “Ultimate Fighter.”
5b. Watch “Ultimate Fighter,” convincing self that it’s a necessary counterbalance to preceding show.
5c. Do not watch “Project Runway”!
5d. …again.
6. Sit down and write, this time for real.
7 – 12. Facebook/Twitter/desultory blogging.
13 – 427. Check Amazon sales ranking of current novel.
428. Bedtime.
429. More time passes. Does the oven need cleaning? Isn’t it time I learned Wolof?
430. Repeat step five.
431. You know, this thing isn’t so bad.
432. Flurry of work. Show WIP to carefully selected friend, secure in the knowledge that they’ll fulfill their role as cheerleader.
433. Decide to agree with friend’s critique: I am a genius.
434. Coast on sugar high, cranking through chapter after chapter. The evil spell is broken.
435. This is crap.
436. See step three.

I’ll be at the Wordstock Festival in Portland, Oregon, and will be doing a joint appearance with G. Xavier Robillard, author of  ”Captain Freedom: A Superhero’s Quest for Truth, Justice and the Celebrity He So Richly Deserves.” Right now that’s scheduled for 2:00pm, Sunday, October 11, so if you want to meet me in the flesh and experience that inevitable sense of disappointment and disillusionment that comes with meeting an author, that’s your chance.

I’d advise you to come prepared: if you peruse the comments, you’ll see that Mr. Robillard has informed me that he will be exercising his second amendment rights to bear Nerf arms. I have my own plan.

From today’s NY Times: “Since starting his farm in 2006, he has run afoul of the European Union, which forbids the importation of camels, animal rights advocates and the Dutch agricultural authorities.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

With my nifty new MP3 player, courtesy of the wonderful Charles Graef, whose name you might recognize as a character from the book.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Well, I certainly didn’t expect that: I thought I’d be doing a generic radio interview with a host who had read a few notes about the book beforehand. Instead, KISS 108’s Matt Siegel began the segment saying that the only author he’d ever had on was Dennis Lehane, that he never has authors on, but, wow, you gotta check out this book, it’s fantastic, I can’t even describe it….

What can I say, I was completely floored. Thank you, Matty, for having me on, and for being such a supporter of the book.  A great way to begin the day. Here’s the segment, which links to their website.

Warning to all those Bostonians who plan to be on the road tomorrow at 8:30am: I will be appearing on KISS 108’s Matty in the Morning show, a segment that is going to be so entertaining and controversial that it will be a danger to those who are foolish enough to listen while attempting to drive .

It should be beautiful this Sunday in Cambridge, Massachussetts: a brisk morning followed by a warm, sunny afternoon, the few clouds serving to further accentuate the blue of the late-summer sky, the new and returning students milling about the Harvard campus and the city streets, the mood one of optimism and renewed purpose, a mood mixed with the inevitable melancholy of the quickly approaching fall. It will be a Sunday to spend outdoors, to revel in one of those precious jewel-like days with which we are occasionally gifted in September, evanescent moments in time that seem to sing gently to us of hope, of possibility, of joy, even of what some might term Grace.

Or you could just come to the Harvard Coop at 2pm and meet me and hear me read from my book, which would be far more interesting. From the Boston Phoenix: Sunday picks.

Cymothoa Exigua. Image NSFTWHJEOACDSITNF (not safe for those who have just eaten or are considering doing so in the near future). I’m still having a hard time believing this thing exists.